Loving Limits

People often ask me if working with Spirit is draining for my energy. Yes, it can be very intense to work in non-ordinary reality for hours at a time, while also tending to those who are processing very deep emotions. Working with Spirit requires me to take responsibility for my energy and employ impeccable self-care, so that I can both thrive and serve abundantly well.

Trained to Serve

I was raised to give without limits. Many of us have been taught in the care-giving professions have to face this inner-programming in order to create healthy balance. We are often taught that self-care equates with selfishness and believe that if we don’t give to those in need, it could cause them harm. We often think, “if I don’t do it, who will?” or “they need my help; I’ll catch up on rest or my needs later”; or “I cannot let that person down.” Sound familiar?

Giving without balance does more harm than good. When I first answered the call to serve as a Spiritual Medium, Spirit would show up everywhere. They were down-right intrusive. I began to notice a pattern: they were behaving very much like I had been trained to treat myself – with no regard for my personal space, needs and wants.

I had to set very strong boundaries. I had to tell them when I was available, when to show up and how. “No, you may not come into the bathroom to speak to me at 3 a.m.” ; “No you cannot wake me up to tell me your story”; and “NO you cannot transfer your suffering into my body, so I will understand and help you, at any time”.

I had to say: “Yes, I am willing to serve you. You can show up in these ways; at these times and places only; I will honor this sacred encounter with full reverence in accordance with Divine Will and ask you to do the same”.

Though Spirit is everywhere, I choose when and where I will actively engage and we have learned to work as a team to serve the highest good of all concerned (including me). See, I have since come to discover that my life purpose includes understanding how to best nurture myself in ways that allow me to serve as a consistently clear channel for the highest good of others. By setting boundaries, I engage in an act of love. And whatever we do from love, serves all life.

Fundamentals

The foundation of living a healthy, intuitive or soulful life begins with learning to say “YES” and “NO” with impeccable integrity to your highest good. When you live this basic truth, you will then become available to fulfill your purpose with great ease and fluidity.

We often say yes from habitual training that we often don’t question until we crash and burn. Issues in our health, relationships, spiritual connections, emotional presence, and finances can present as red-flags trying to awaken us to notice where we are putting our energy, what we are avoiding and what needs are immediate attention. It can be a call for honorable boundaries and reverent self-care.

Don’t wait for a crisis to begin setting limits. There is always someone or something that needs our attention. If you’ve learned to be a giver, you may not even stop to reflect quietly: “is this something to which I need to respond? In what way can I authentically show up to this? How can I truly serve the highest good here?”

Honor your Soul not your mind

Your mind has had years of training, so it may not be too eager to participate in this change. But if you’re reading this and resonating, your soul is longing for your attentiveness. Draining your personal energy by not setting boundaries will lead to emotional, mental, spiritual and eventual physical disease. Humans are tough – it can take decades of being out of balance for the long-term effects to become noticeable. But your irritability, resentments, exhaustion, hunger for more, consistent monkey-mind; mini-meltdowns, yearning for change and relentless anxiety are all clues that you are not yet saying “yes” to what you truly need and instead saying “yes” to what you don’t.

Learning along the way

After years of providing services to clients around the world throughout each week –fitting more and more people into an already crammed schedule; providing weekend events three weeks out of each month; leading international retreats, creating new programs, books and CD’s — and doing it while navigating divorce and living as a single mother and trying to stay healthy…..I found myself out of balance and consistently feeling like I was letting people down who were asking for more. Is that true? No.

As Oriah Mountain Dreamer states boldly in her poem The Invitation, “It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.” She reminds us that the story is never true. Its just that – a story. It represents a flood of thoughts and emotional responses to what is, all wrapped in beliefs about what we should or should not be or do. Like me, she is urging us to stop betraying ourselves and arise into our soul’s truth.

How do we do this?

Before you Act, Pause

1. Practice pausing before you respond. Each time your habits urge you to say yes to a request for help — no matter how big or small, STOP. Breathe into your body deeply and elongate your exhale. Ask yourself “Does it serve my highest good to say yes?”

2. Notice. As you pause and ask, notice. Refrain from judging what shows up. How do you feel inside when you contemplate going forth in the direction of habit? Pay attention to the sensations in your heart, your gut. Are you expansive, open, inspired to act? Are you feeling tight, cold or prickly on your skin? Intuitively, expansion equates with “yes”…..tightness, resistance equates with “no”.

3. Compassionate understanding; no judgment. Know that your mind prefers habit. Your mind is formed through indoctrination of thought, belief and patterns to which it was repeatedly exposed as you formed your identity. It is not the eternal you. So it is going to prefer that you do what you think you SHOULD do. When a “should” arises – recognize it as a belief that is not founded in a higher truth, reflecting an internalized perception of what is right and wrong for you and others. Acting from the internalized thought “I should….” is a self-shaming mantra that alienates you from your soul’s truth and purpose. Don’t judge this. Everyone has adapted to this human conditioning. Choose, instead, to free yourself from it.

4. Appreciate and Act on the true YES or NO. As you breathe through the practice of pausing, tuning into your deepest responses to what serves you and compassionately witness the thoughts that may counter this truth, appreciate your ability to witness. The awareness that you are not your mind or conditioning, that you can pause and know what is truly in your highest good is a milestone in living free. Appreciate your true power to know and act; and then act according to that higher truth.

5. Witness the outcome. Act with confidence on your truth and notice the results in your body, your emotions, your mental state and the lives of others. Every time you say “yes” from this deep knowing, your intuition expands aka your SOUL gets stronger in this realm and will be reflected in a growing harmony, equanimity and balance. Those who are used to your habits may not like your new found choices but your empowered examples will promote wellness in everything around you. You see, when you choose from your this innate truth – Soul Wisdom – everyone benefits. When you truly need to assist another, you and they will become empowered through that kind of service. But all help given from a place of “should” or belief that the other is incapable in any way, breeds the internalized lie of powerlessness within them and you. Soul Truth empowers all life. Always. Without exception.

A portion from my poem, Coming Home (by Lori Lipten) states:

I am here to serve

Whispers the voice of sacred creation

I am here to notice

Speaks the depth of all knowing

I am here to awaken

Speaks the ancestors of wisdom

I am here to love

Setting limits by discovering your inner truth and acting on it is an act of love. When you act from love, you awaken. And your awakening serves the highest good of all concerned.

Loving Limits

Loving Limits

Before you Act, Pause

About the Author: Lori Lipten

The Sacred Pause Sabbatical

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Loving Limits

Loving Limits

Before you Act, Pause

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About the Author: Lori Lipten

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The Sacred Pause Sabbatical

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